


of guilt and scars

by TheThirdTemptationOfParis



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: (very subtle though), Hurt/Comfort, Juno Steel Needs a Hug, Lichtenberg Scars, Other, Scars, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Nureyev
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheThirdTemptationOfParis/pseuds/TheThirdTemptationOfParis
Summary: Juno’s breath caught in his throat as he saw the full scope of the scar’s web. It started from a spot right beside his lower spine and climbed in a single branch until it reached his shoulder. It spread in every direction from there, before disappearing over his collarbones, right where those wisp thin ends that plagued Juno’s mind sat.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 7
Kudos: 83





	of guilt and scars

Juno didn’t see the scars that first night with Nureyev. The lights were off and Juno kept his eye closed, both from pleasure and from the too muchness of it all. He only remembers glimpses of Nureyev from that night, the glint in his eyes, the relaxed smile, but not much beyond that. It wasn’t until much, much later, on the Carte Blanche that he saw them. 

Wisp thin pink lines peeked out from over Nureyev’s collar, dancing on the light skin of his neck. He didn’t say anything, just went about his business, trying to find his place within the Aurinko crime family. But the vision of those scars cemented itself behind Juno’s eyes. He saw them when he blinked, the possibility of them spreading across every bit of skin because Juno wasn’t strong enough to do what Miasma had asked of him. 

One night, many hours after everyone had gone to sleep on the ship, Juno sat in Nureyev’s room, zoning out as Nureyev went over their plan for the next heist. He snapped back into reality when the other man gently touched his wrist, nearly making him jump out of his skin. 

“Juno, are you alright, darling?” Nureyev asked, catching Juno’s eye.

“Take off your shirt,” Juno breathed before he could get a grip on his words. 

Nureyev looked shocked, reeling back, “Juno, sweetheart, I don’t think now is really the time. You’re clearly distracted.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, “No, that came out wrong. It’s why I’m distracted. Nureyev, I can’t stop thinking about your scars.”

“My scars? Why in the world would that be what’s distracting you?” His voice was pinched and he pulled away, crossing his arms. Juno knew a defensive Nureyev when he saw him, and they were reaching that point, “You know they’re there, Juno.”

Juno shook his head, covering his eye with a hand, “Oh hell, that keeps coming out wrong. I’m sorry, honey, that’s not what I meant, either. I can’t stop thinking about the scars you have because of me. The ones from me not being able to do what Miasma asked.”

He saw the moment that it clicked in Nureyev’s brain. The moment where he realized why those particular scars have been holding so tightly onto Juno’s brain. He slowly pulled away from defensive Nureyev and turned into that softer man that Juno had been getting to see more of. He reached out to squeeze Juno’s hand for a quiet second before standing up and unbuttoning his shirt. He took a deep breath as he let the shirt slip down his arms and turned around.

Juno’s breath caught in his throat as he saw the full scope of the scar’s web. It started from a spot right beside his lower spine and climbed in a single branch until it reached his shoulder. It spread in every direction from there, before disappearing over his collarbones, right where those wisp thin ends that plagued Juno’s mind sat. 

The entire ship seemed to go silent as Juno reached out to run his finger along the scar. He let his hands settle on Nureyev’s waist and guided him back in between his legs. He leaned his forehead against Nureyev’s back, lips ghosting just to the left of the scar, “I’m so sorry, honey.”

Nureyev took Juno’s hands and pulled them to wrap around him fully, one settling over his heart, “You have nothing to apologize for, my love. Miasma—”

“Please, just let me pay the reparations I feel I need to. I should’ve been stronger, I should’ve pushed through the pain just because it was you on the other side of that wall. The amount of pain you must have been in, Peter…”

Nureyev turned in his arms, hands coming up to cup his face. One thumb ran carefully over the edge of Juno’s eyepatch, and the look in the other man’s eyes spoke volumes, “You lost an eye trying to save our lives. Anything I experienced during that time is nothing compared to that.”

Juno took a deep breath and untied the straps of the patch. _Reciprocity_ , he thought. He hadn’t let anyone look under that patch since the big guy removed the Theia Spectrum, but if he trusted anyone with that part of him, it was Peter Nureyev. He kept his eye closed, waiting for some dramatic declaration to come from the man in front of him, but it never came. There was just a soft press of lips to his brow bone, right above that empty socket.

They stayed like that for a long time, Juno tracing the lines across Nureyev’s back, Nureyev pressing soft kisses around the emptiness that kept the both of them here. 

“I love you, Juno,” Nureyev whispered, his lips just barely there on his skin, “You have no reparations to pay me. We’re both here now, and that’s all that matters. Alright?” He pulled back and looked Juno in the eye.

He nodded, leaning forward to tuck his head under Nureyev’s chin, “I love you so much, Nureyev.”

So they held each other just a bit tighter after that. Scars and all.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all I only had to italicize one thing in this one! Can you believe?


End file.
